Most of us would remember the time when our mothers and grandmothers would tell us how important is the role of a mother in a child’s life. A mother is the best teacher, magnanimous, saver, care-taker, philanthropist, vivacious unlike a father, is now nothing more than just a defunct statement. With the society and temperaments evolving, husbands are supportive and share the burden of women in bringing up the child. The understanding and embracing the change is out and out there.
Though we talk about sharing the burden but are we ready for it? Even though fathers are ready to take responsibility, as mothers we many a times lack trust in them. But ladies as a wise man once said ‘don’t believe things just because you want to believe them’ give them a chance afterall they have equally contributed to the birth of your child (lets not forget that nor let them forget it). Co-parenting is enormous as two different genders will have different strengths, weaknesses, eye for opportunities and threats. not because of the gender gap but because of laws of biology and social conditioning. Both would have diverse ways to paint the canvas for their child. In spite of difference in parenting style fathers are the second best care-takers for the child. (you must be thinking about the first, it’s definitely not nanny it’s YOU (mother) :’)
As human beings we need instigations to give our best in any situation and men are not very different; they need the same to become the best parents for their child. Every father loves his child but the love is needed to be put into action. Some of the techniques can be:
Start from the start - the foundation of bond must start from the beginning, a research shows that a father who takes off for initial few weeks of his newborn baby gets a better chance to bond with the child and stay connected at every step lifelong. It’s like when you nurture your plant, see change and smile over it, you start connecting and making the bond stronger over the period of time. Day one get him on duty and let him observe his child while you are relaxing or may be meeting your girlfriends.
Give them short sessions to baby sit- as a mother it is difficult to even think of handing over your child to a father, one of the major reason being trusting a male as care-taker. But he is just not another male he is your husband and father of the child with equal genes of his. Give him space and chance of a short session to baby sit when you are not around, say when you want to get the diapers or a short session of head massage. This will help him spend some quality time and observe delicate details of his childs movement and behaviour. It is a great source of making the relation strong between them.
Encourage Encourage Encourage - we always think we know the best ,which in most of the cases is right also ;-) , but it’s not like the father will always be wrong. If most of the time what comes out of your mouth is correction or criticism, he will stop taking initiative and lose confidence in his parenting, eventually leading to discouragement. If you can’t resist correcting then use flower showering in your criticism.
Celebrate his effort - it’s not true that only women want attention and appreciation, even men want to be appreciated for their efforts. After a long tiring day and if it’s a bad day where boss yelled at him unfortunately when he comes home and tries his hand at parenting and receives no appreciation for the same it would hurt him. Respect his efforts even if it is the minutest effort for the child, it will make him happy and bond better not only with the child but also you.
Pacify tears - it is believed that all the woman in the world are soft hearted and panic easily, specially the mother of a newborn. Stop! Wait! Think!, when your baby is crying and your partner is right there, let him do the honors, let him pacify tears of his child. Soothing tears will help him bond better and know his child's behaviour of cause and effect.
Fathers have a different style of communication and interaction with the child. They are teachers and are best play buddies. Fathers will laugh, wrestle, throw them high in the air to make the child strong, fearless and confident. Men parenting is more focused towards competence, making them ready for tomorrow. This can be seen everywhere, go to a recreational club and just use your ears, it would always be fathers telling their kids to try, go ahead, screaming and hooting even louder but at the same time they are stern when it comes to discipline. Teaching them consequences of right and wrong, giving them the outlook of the world as a man. Men parenting helps the child know the unexempted side of the world.
Give them a chance ladies!!